Dear James Franco, What the FUCK am I supposed to do with this video?!?! Stop uploading shit like this to your Twitter. You KNOW I’m going to look at every single picture you post and watch every goddamn video you make because your face is INSANE and I could really see us being together. Friends would find out we were a couple and be like, “wait, what?”, and I would explain, saying, “come on,...
I need girl who can sing like Selena, ass like Trina, tits like Janet get beat...
emmygoesto asked: Sometimes you feel like a nut! Sometimes you don't even know who you are anymore so you drink 'til your organs bleed for days. Help.
(just had to share, was she at Thanksgiving with us this year?)
(just had to share, was she at Thanksgiving with us this year?)
My video response to “Did you used work as a $5,000-a-night callgirl in Chicago?”
VS. the earthquake →
Donate what you can and get some great music from amazing bands that have come together to help out Japan in their time of need.
- Vaseline - that time i cried during Glee, last night. - Glee - saunas - Zima - glory holes - matt & kim - Mazda - winking - the first tattoo you got - caring - ⓓⓘⓒⓚⓢ
Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga except I still get to kill something.– Rob Swanson, my birth father
office chat: shitters beware, you're in for a...
Me: i have to tell you something
Me: i got a little passive agressive
Me: an unknown post up
Nick: oh here it goes
Me: well i wasn't feeling well, like my heart was kinda racy and i just needed to walk around so i went to go pee and just chill for a second
Me: and i go into the womens bathroom and
Me: 1) it smells like shit
Me: 2) theres shit marks in all the toliets
Me: 3) someone is sitting in total silence shitting or post shitting
Me: like not breathing not moving not making a sound
Me: like a total creep
Me: so i go into pee and i'm like, "wow this is really awkward and quiet"
Me: like, go away person! but they don't go anywhere. they just listen to me pee, and i'm not ready to go back to my desk so i'm like; OK two can play this game. so i sit there and wait it out, hoping they are crucially cramping up or something and are just praying for me to leave so they can let it rip
Me: Nope. NOTHING. no movement. no feet shuffle. no toliet paper raveling. no fake cough. just dead silence. sucks!
Me: so i caved, and went to wash my hands and then on the way out, something evil came over me and i......
Me: turned off all the lights!
Me: and i hear this bitch be like "HELLO?!" and i silently mouthed "suck it"
Me: and walked away in slow motion
Me: fire exploding behind me
Me: are you judging me? it's okay if you are. even I was amazed at how insane i am for that
Me: i mean ALL the lights are off. pitch black.
Me: whats wrong with me?!
Nick: thats hilarious
Me: so much hate for post ups and it just spewed out into the ulimate crazy girl act.
Me: sometimes i just can't stand how gross and shameless people are in the work bathroom, and part me kept thinking this girl had taken shits in every stall and was just working on the last one to complete the pentagon of skid marks
me: at any rate, it's cool if this is where we stop talking for a few months, i know after this I can never go back to being a normal person. i've crossed the crazy street and theres no looking back for me.
Me: shitters beware, you're in for a scare.
Nick: i mean i think its kinda funny
Nick: imagine them trying to turtle crawl outta there to flip the lights back on
Nick: but you are a total ray pye
Me: the worst part is, i have a foot tattoo, you know? I know better than to pull some stunt like that in bathroom stalls. plus how many chicks here wear flip-flops?! not many. this is a professional environment.
office chat: despair day
Mom: why are you having a bad day, honey??
Me: i lost my wallet, the "super" moon gave me my period "super" early
Me: and all i wanted was a starbucks trip before work. i dreamt about it all night.
Mom: oh God....I'm so sorry
Me: plus my signif accomplishments are due today and i realized i haven't "accomplished" anything this year
Me: atleast that i can think of
Mom: did you find it?
Me: no i haven't found it
Mom: could it be at your house???
Mom: I'll help with Sig Accomp
Mom: and Elizabeth Taylor died today!!!
Me: WORST DAY EVER.
Me: RIP White Diamonds
Mom: at least she is with Michael Jackson again
Me: you always do find the light in the darkest situations. heaven just got 10x freakier
Mom: LOL! Just what I was thinking....
John Mayer talks success, music, and coke farts.
my jam. pool floating music for days.
Raindrop Melody Maker →
Killing time in a pretty way.
office chat: yaktime
Nick: yeah he was a douche
a peanut butter and placenta sandwich
he was fine
i almost threw up. itook a bite of the turkey sam as you said that...
cucumber tasted like what i think placenta would taste like...
don't ever do that again.
Nick: it tastes exactly like it smells.
office chat: snacktime
Nick: these carrots are mad wet
Boss Bitch Peas
Me: I think you're my favorite person on the planet and I don't even know you, that's not creepy at all. Bye.
Katie: right back at you! i feel like we are just two boss bitch peas in a pod. brought together by the internet in a non "to catch a predator" way
Follow @jejolie because she lays on her floor covered in jelly and sucks her thumb after a long day of work.
(Don't sleep on this guys, follow my internet bestie @noragohn! Unless your hygiene is struggling in which case she will set you straight and show no mercy)
rack rack reblack 'em
is rebecca black my cousin chloe!?
me: OMG. YES.
me: YOU HAVE A BLOODLINE TO REBLACK
me: REBLACKA FLOCKHART
me: REBLACKA FLOCKA FLAME
Emily: RACK RACK REBLACK OBAMA
we're talking about dogs.
Amanda: Oh girl Callie is coming tonight. Do you think he'll have a pre-date wank before she gets here
me: he has too! otherwise he'll be all shaky during their salsa lessons
have you ever seen his jerk ritual? it's kind of creepy
Amanda: Oh gross no. What does it look like
me: he lays out a couple of my tshirts for padding, then he puts on the puppy bowl from a few years back, mutes it, turns up the Grease soundtrack, and just wails on it!
uh oh. looks like someone just checked into a weekend stay at the Ritz Gnarlton. (aw snap!) thats a wrap on the day.
Anonymous asked: oh my god, you are such a bitch. nicki minaj shits all over YOUR face. that is all.