Quick life update:

I started a new job and it requires working. UGH. I know, right?! I’m not use to these circumstances. I have quickly learned an inconvenient truth; jobs are not chill. So 2 weeks into my new role, under the foreign pressure of actually having to contribute something to society, I cracked, went back to my old internet wayz and spent my lunchbreak stress eBaying!

That’s a thing, right?

What happened during those 45 minutes was very similar to what happened the time I drank a box of Franzia and then played my kickball game barefoot on the National Mall. Total black out. I came to last night in a cab while discussing halloween costumes. I was feeling a little bummed that I didn’t have one yet but then that deja-vu-ish feeling rushed over me and I remembered that I had went on a reaaaaal weird shopping bender yesterday. Bidding on anything and everything like a mad woman. Curious as to what I had gone after in my delirious state and PRAYING TA GOD that I didn’t actually win anything, I quickly hopped on my phone to check the damage. What I found could be described as horrifying or fucking awesome:

A 1970 Vintage Childrens Gorrilla Costumes?!?!

Oh no.

A 1987 California Raisin Costumes?!?!?!

What was I to do? How was I to proceed? I did what any clinically insane person would do and blasted off a few extremely serious ALL CAPS emails to the sellers expressing the urgency in recieving these horrors. Some poor soul checked their email today and learned that somewhere in Washington, DC there is a person that urgently needs a California Raisin costume for a board meeting at 8am. Pronto tonto.

So there you have it, guys. I am now the proud owner of two exquisite pieces of history. If they don’t get here in time for Halloween, you can catch me next month on Antique Roadshow, causing appraisers nationwide to “b” their “l” in their pants!